I wonder if they know what its like to die inside. I did. only a matter of an hour. i died. and she killed me. she tells me she supports and loves me. support and love are not murder. she tells me i have a 'chip on my shoulder'. what? pride and independance is a chip? they (him and her) taught me hate. you think you hate someone when you are younger. you think you know what hate is. you don't know what hate is until the only reason you haven't killed is because you never get the chance. i truly hate. i hate to the point where it wouldn't bother to punch her in the face. i know at the end of the day i love her and she loves me. but this isn't a true love. this is a natural relationship love that neither of know any different. it still wouldn't bother me to know that she got hurt. when she hurt her foot and was on crutches, i didn't feel sorry for her. actually i thanked the higher power for doing that to her. i smiled when i was told. she has killed me. she has broken me time and time again. i knew this point was getting near. i didn't think i could reach it though. i think it was ignorance to the importance of the situation. but i reached it. i reached the cold heartedness. my small peices have now turned to ice. they were chilly before. but before it didn't take much to get past that chill part. there is no warm part. there is no pretty heart. there hasn't been a pretty heart from almost six years. starting seven. it happend October 2000. that was the day i learnt what pain was. what a man really is. i learnt it the hard way. she thought she took if rough. she thought my lil sister took it rough. i wonder if they know what it did to me. i wonder if they can comprehend how much this has done to me. i wonder if they care. do they care that in a matter of 20 mins they changed me from a lil girl to a women. no intro. no easy does it. just bam. like a hit from behind. in

this was written awhile ago. i never finished it. but i thought i would publish as it is. i have no idea what its even about. or anything...lol. but whatever. prolly just an emo momment .....